He Fought for Meat at a Funeral—and Got It! KZN Mourners Watch in Shock as Old Grudge Boils Over the Buffet Table
A KZN funeral turned chaotic after a man accused a local woman of always dishing him bones. What followed was part drama, part hunger games. Read this real-time community blowout now.
In KwaZulu-Natal, where community funerals are known as moments of grief, unity, and strict catering queues, one man decided he'd had enough. Enough pap. Enough chakalaka. But most importantly—enough bones.
The weekend funeral of 68-year-old Bhekumuzi Mthembu was meant to be a respectful send-off. His friends called him a “quiet man.” His church said he served with dignity. But for mourners like Bhut’ Sipho, the funeral meant something else entirely: a long-awaited clash over meat.
You see, Sipho had been harboring what some call a culinary grudge since as far back as 2018.
The tension erupted just after the final hymn. As mourners formed a line by the catering tent, plates were handed out with precision. Pap—check. Chakalaka—check. Then came the protein, or what Sipho bitterly called “bones that even a stray dog would reject.”
Witnesses say he didn’t even taste the food.
“He looked down at that plate like it had betrayed him,” recalls Auntie Thembi, who was right behind him in line. “Next thing I knew, he was pointing at uMaDlamini and yelling like it was an ANC rally.”
According to Sipho, the woman who served him—only known as uMaDlamini—has allegedly been doing this at “every funeral” he’s attended in the community. She, he claims, systematically ensures he walks away with the worst cuts of meat, despite evidence of more generous servings to others.
“He said he’s been quiet for too long,” said a man nicknamed Skropla, who later helped pick up scattered plates. “Apparently, at Mkhulu Gwala’s funeral, she gave him two chicken necks and told him it was a quarter leg.”
The community has since dubbed this moment “The Great Meat Showdown of Mthembu’s Funeral.”
A Long Time Coming
This wasn't a sudden outburst. It was a slow boil. Over years, funerals became episodes in a saga—one where Sipho claimed he always lost. His quiet simmering finally exploded in public.
And explode it did.
Eyewitnesses say Sipho tried to push past the buffet line, aiming to serve himself from the back kitchen. But he was blocked—not by catering staff—but by four unknown men who had already helped themselves to second rounds. A scuffle began. Flying plates. Spilled juice. Loud name-calling.
One uncle tried to intervene, asking Sipho, “Kanti, do you come to mourn or to eat?” To which Sipho snapped back, “I mourn better with meat.”
That line is now printed on WhatsApp statuses across the village.
A Pastor, A Drumstick, And A Shaky Peace Deal
The pastor, who was still in prayer over the family, was caught off guard by the commotion. Witnesses claim he shouted, “Can we respect the dead, please!” while subtly shielding his plate, which suspiciously contained two cuts of beef and a drumstick.
Eventually, an emergency elders’ meeting was held right there—next to the juice table. After whispered arguments and threats of banishment, a truce was reached.
The deal?
Bhut’ Sipho would receive one proper piece of meat from the “reserve tray” meant for elders—a plate reserved for top mourners and visiting bishops.
He accepted the offer. But not without conditions.
“He said next time, he’s bringing his own plate and dishing himself,” said one bystander.
What’s the Bigger Story?
This isn’t just about bones. It’s about food dignity at funerals. A quiet but widespread tension in South African communities, where who gets what on the plate can reflect everything from status to family feuds.
And it’s not just Sipho.
Several young men at the funeral backed his claims. “They serve you pap like it’s sand and meat like it’s gold,” said one man, licking his fingers in frustration. “Meanwhile, the front table has a full buffet.”
Others disagree.
“Not everyone can get drumsticks,” said one elder. “Some people bring nothing, do nothing, and expect steak. Ayikho lento!”
Read also: How a SASSA Mum Discovered a Hidden R1,000 in Her Grant
Community Fallout
The incident has triggered debate across WhatsApp groups. A virtual town hall was held via voice notes. The topic? “Fairness in funeral catering.”
Solutions being discussed include:
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Randomized plate numbers
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Separate tables for repeat guests
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Bone-to-meat ratio enforcement
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Mandatory “catering fairness oaths” before serving begins
One voice note from a woman identified as “MaSithole” went viral:
“Funerals are about unity. But if I come with my own pot of curry and still get bones, then unity must wait.”
No Apologies from uMaDlamini
As for the woman at the center of it all?
uMaDlamini remains unmoved. “He eats too fast. Has a suspicious appetite. Some men don’t deserve meat just because they wore a tie.”
The line was so cutting, it became its own meme.
Despite calls for her to step down from catering duties, she insists she’ll continue.
“I’ve been dishing food at funerals since Mandela was president. I know who brings nothing but expects everything.”
As tensions simmer, a community meeting has been scheduled to discuss new catering protocols, with suggestions submitted to the ward councillor and a representative from Home Affairs.
A new funeral policy draft is said to be in the works—complete with catering guidelines, fairness audits, and maybe, just maybe, the world’s first meat distribution checklist.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire, inspired by real cultural dynamics. Any similarities to real individuals are purely coincidental and intended for light-hearted reflection.
Have you ever received just bones at a funeral?
Pin your comment below or vote in the poll:
Poll:
What’s worse at a funeral?
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Getting bones while others get meat
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Someone going for second rounds before you
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Uncle who eats, sleeps, and complains
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Pastor taking all the gravy
Tags: funeral drama, KZN community news, South African funerals, meat fight, real-time satire, bones on plate, Sipho vs uMaDlamini, cultural etiquette SA
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